Tonight was an amazing, emotional night.

So it was my sweet sixteen/Ksenia's sweet eighteen. Even though Lia couldn't come, it was still amazing.

We played drinking games (with pop...haha) and the classic Never Have I Ever. And laptag. Laptag was fun, I was with Ephraim for a lot of the game. We're a pretty even match.

But what I remember most is after all of that. After cake. When we were all just hanging around. Angelo was playing his guitar and singing all these beautiful songs. Whenever he plays, it's always very wonderful and relaxing. It was so nice, being in the company of friends. New friends, old friends. Friends all the same. It was quiet, except for Angelo playing and singing. We all kind of had a moment.

Then later, John was playing and singing. He's not as good as Angelo, and not that great of a singer, but still, it was really amazing. I don't know why.

Tonight, I re-realized that I really do like John. It shouldn't happen and I know it; I don't plan on changing where we are right now. Friends is enough. He has a girlfriend. He wants sex. And I'm sorry, but I can't give that to him. I have feelings for him as more than a friend, but we shouldn't pursue anything. I have not faltered in my resolve.

Though there is one thing different about this whole thing. This was my 11:11 wish. I realized that I wish he'd at least know that I like him. I don't know why I feel this way, because normally I'm very introverted about things like that. I won't tell him. I want him to figure it out himself.

Gah. Things are complicated. But even with that, it's perfect. Tonight was so much fun and I am so, so comforted to be in the company of so many friends.

Goodnight.

P.S. Ksenia gave my Rant by Chuck Palahniuk for my birthday. I almost cried. She knows of my newfound love for Palahniuk. I love her so much.