The past week.

So okay, I figured I needed to get some stuff out.

This is what happened:
On Tuesday after Writing Club, Ksenia and I were hanging as always. We were talking about how sad everyone is, and about John, etc. I almost told her about my feelings, but I didn't. I think she realized that I was holding something back. So I did end up telling her, later that night. I didn't get a text back, until early the next morning. All the while, I was freaking out, thinking she was mad at me. But when I heard back from her, she was okay with it. She said that no one can help who they like, and she's not surprised I like him, because he's amazing. It felt nice to hear, and a huge relief.
So yeah, now she knows. He doesn't know. But I was making the mix CDs that I make for my friends every year for the holidays, and I added on an extra song on the end of his. It's a song that I've always associated with him. It explains a lot of my inner feelings and concerns about this whole thing. I don't think he'll get where I'm going with it, he'll probably think it's on everyone else's CD, too. If he does realize that he's the only one who has it, he'll probably just think it's a mistake. Still, it feels good to have it out for him to hear.


23 - Jimmy Eat World

I felt for sure last night
That once we said goodbye
No one else will know these lonely dreams
No one else will know that part of me
I'm still driving away
And I'm sorry every day
I won't always love these selfish things
I won't always live...
Not stopping...

It was my turn to decide
I knew this was our time
No one else will have me like you do
No one else will have me, only you

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

Amazing still it seems
I'll be 23
I won't always love what I'll never have
I won't always live in my regrets

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine...