In in a rare mood, so I feel the need to document it for future inspiration.

I finally see the light. I'm not so confused anymore. It's such a weird feeling.
Let me go through each topic one by one.

BODY IMAGE
It's no secret that I have low self esteem. I haven't been happy with my body at all. I've been trying to find ways to lose weight for years and years now. Since elementary school. But now, at my peak, I realized something. It's not about weight. It's not about curves. It's not about being too big or too small. It's about being happy and healthy. I resolve to eat healthier, but allow myself a break every once in a while. With a happier outlook and a healthier diet, maybe that would lead to me lopping off some pounds. But I can't get there without being happy about myself. I plan to start small and work my way up. I'm going to be happy with what I have, and seek to achieve my goals.

GRADES
My grades have been shit lately (2.5 GPA...it's the end of the semester :/) but for the past day or two, I've been more confident about it. I realized that I CAN do well in school. Stress is an issue that has taken an obvious toll on my grades, but when I can sit back in a structured, less distracting environment, I can do so well. I do have the potential to be one of those girls who do fantastic and school and have no qualms or stress about it. That's what I strive to be, only not a complete over-achiever. I'm going do document my goals here, for reference.
GPA goal: AT LEAST a 3.0 by the end of the semester

Class by class:
Spanish 2
Current grade - B 85%
Goal grade - Low A or high B

CP Biology
Current grade - C 76.03%
Goal grade - B

World History
Current grade - D+ 67%
Goal grade - Middle C

English 10 Honors (weighted)
Current grade - C 79%
Goal grade - Middle or high B

Geometry
Current grade - B 86.3%
Goal grade - Low A

Journalism
Current grade - B- 80%
Goal grade - Mid B

Of course, I'd be happy to exceed any of my goals.

BOYS
I'm repairing my friendship with Josh, which is going quite wonderful. Ephraim and I are still close buds. I made my decision about John last night, and I'm very satisfied with my choice.
I'm not denying that I have feelings for him, but I believe that I shouldn't try to hook up with him. In the long run, it's not what I'm going to want, a hookup for my first time. I feel like it's an injustice to myself, and even him. So, I'm saving myself, John and Ksenia at the same time. I found a good compromise. Friendships and staying true to yourself is more important than any guy.

FAMILY
I resolve to make more of an effort to be closer to my family. Although I still stand by the fact that I can't trust my parents quite yet, I'm going to work on it. I also want to get closer to my grandma. I plan on calling her up and taking her out to coffee and a bookstore one day. I don't get to see her enough anymore.

GENERAL HAPPINESS
I've always been a happy person, and typically very content with my life because of my friends. But am I happy by myself? Honestly, I'm a little down in the dumps. I need to get better at managing stress so I am happier. Here is what I've decided to do:

- Smile more! Even when no one is around, I resolve to smile to myself, because even smiling when I'm sad makes me happier. Laughing is good too.
- Get off the computer. I've found that internet usage takes a toll on my mental health.
- Read and write more. I've found joy in both things, and I would like to spend more time doing them.
- Blog frequently. Get my feelings out of my body where I can examine them more clearly.
- Get a decent amount of sleep every night.
- Work out. It always makes me feel better and stronger.
- Allow myself to indulge. A cookie or an unhealthy snack on occasion never hurt. Think of it as a reward for being so positive.
- Continue meditation. I've kind of abandoned that lately, and I think I need to get back on it.
- Help those in need. There are always people in worse conditions than I am.
- Enjoy life. Each and every day. I've been blessed with such a wonderful thing, and I'm only on this earth for so long. I'm going to live it to the fullest.

I don't believe I'm forgetting anything. I covered a lot of different things in just five topics. It feels good to get it out in words. So here are my new year's resolutions, if you will. A couple weeks early. But I don't know if they count, because I don't plan on waiting until the new year to start. But whatever you call it, it feels good to get it out and to set up a plan.