rawr.

Ksenia had a hookah party today when her mom wasn't home. I went and smoked some hookah for the first time. It was really cool and I like it.

I think I'm finally getting over John. Not totally, but I think I'm crushing on him much less. I knew we wouldn't be totally compatible, but I think it finally settled in. At the hookah party today he was all over Ksenia, which made me kind of sad (even though I'm happy for her), which is why I think I still like him, but something just told me that we were better off as friends. It may have just been the hookah, because even though it doesn't give you a high, it gives you a bit of a buzz. So idk. But even now, four hours later, I feel the same. It sunk in a lot at the party.

Sure it makes life even more boring not liking anyone, but it also gives me a feeling of independance that I really like and haven't felt in a long time. Like I don't need a boy to keep me happy and inspired. John and I were never exactly on the same wavelength, so it's not like I'm missing much. Actually, it's almost for the better. A few weeks ago, I went to the mall with Claire and we were out at the Vistas. It was nighttime and the sky was clear and beautiful. We threw pebbles into the stream. I'm going to tell you my wish, hopefully I won't jinx it (knock on wood) but I wished that I wouldn't regret liking John. And so there it is, I don't regret it. No hard feelings. No heartbreak whatsoever. I still reguard him highly and he's still a good friend. It was special while it lasted and now it's finally relieving me of its burden, not that John was ever a burden. But you get what I mean. At the moment I'm happy with a friendship and that's good enough for me.

So yeah, there's my optimistic thought for the day. Haha. Wait until it all comes crashing down when I see Claire and Corey together--now that's a couple that makes me feel so incredibly single.