oh yeah, I forgot to post this.

No guest presentation, and not a full trailer, but it's something...

right here, right now.

Jamming to the High School Musical soundtrack and thinking about boys. :)

Boys, boys, boys, can't live with them and can't live without them.

I was thinking earlier about whether I'd be happier in a relationship or single. Of course, at this point in time I can't really say, but I think both. I'm happy single and I love to flirt, but I think if I met the right person I think I'd be very content with the stability. Of course, I have not met said person yet, so...I have no clue.

That was my deep thought of the day, even though it wasn't that deep. Trust me, I'm not shallow.

Still sick as a dog.
Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday.
The Great Gatsby is wonderful.
Scrubs is on in 10 minutes.
Laundry needs to be done.
Tylenol PM calls my name.
I need to write something because I haven't in days.
I wish he'd call me.
He wont.
Goodnight.

Blarrr

Went home from school early today because I was feeling sick.
Wasted some time on facebook.
Watched the Phantom of the Opera and crashed for four hours.
Meh I still don't feel very good.

We'll see how I feel later. I don't want to miss more school but I kind of do. I don't want loads of makeup work, but I don't want to knock myself out and get sicker, especially with rush coming up this weekend, and I have to babysit Maya and Kylie tomorrow night. I guess I should go do my homework just in case I do go to school tomorrow.

By the way, my English teacher liked my color analysis paper. She talked about it in class and how she liked a lot of the points it had brought up. She didn't say it was mine, but she looked in my direction and talked about what I wrote, so...needless to say, I was quite happy.

Anyway, enough with my procrastination tactics. Gonna make some tea and read more of The Great Gatsby.

I said I wasn't gonna lose my head

and then
POP!
goes my heart.

when I'm with him I'm thinking of you.

I'm failing History.
By failing, I mean I have a 40%.
You wonder how it got so low, well, humans mess up. But I'm working epically hard to get it up.
This means that I can't get any more driving hours NOR go to see TAI... on their acoustic tour NOR go to Camp Rainbow, unless it gets to be a C in the next month. Meh. We'll see.

School is fucking stressful. I'm not a bad student or anything, not usually, but I mess up sometimes and get so incredibly frustrated that it takes forever to get back on track.

And the John situation isn't helping either. I still like him like crazy. Today at Writing Club we went outside to write instead of staying inside, and oh my goodness he looks so nice in the sun. He reminded me of Edward Cullen. Jeans, white button up shirt, messy light brown hair...the ironic thing is, I always thought he looked like Edward back Freshman year lol. He looked absolutely beautiful and I relapsed like I knew I would.

This getting over him thing? Not working out.

God, I'm such a creep when I talk about him.

By the way, we're reading The Great Gatsby in English now. I LOVE IT! It's one of my favorite books that I've ever read in English class, EVER. It's near surpassing Lord of the Flies. I think I just really like color imagery...both books have it. It's intriguing. Like, (warning: spoiler!) I'm on chapter 5 now. Cream has always been associated with Gatsby because of the fact that he's New Money and subsequently not the most fashionable. He thinks Daisy left him and married Tom because he wasn't Old Money. Obviously we know that this is false. So when Nick invites Daisy over for tea and Gatsby happens by at precisely the right time, and he's wearing WHITE, I'm like NOOOOOOO! Don't try to be someone you're not for her. This is because white symbolizes Old Money, and obviously Gatsby isn't. Gahh if he and Daisy don't get together I'll be very upset.

There was my English geek-out for the day.
Adios.

one more weekend.

It's that feeling you get on Sunday afternoons, when you've partied until you've dropped and then realized how much homework still needs to be done.
Sleep sounds wonderful.
If my homework did itself that would be great as well.
Unfortunately, that's not going to happen.

There is a possibility that the Public Enemies trailer will be shown at the Oscars tonight. There are rumors of it only being a 10 second clip, so it should be online pretty fast.
Oh, and there are also rumors of Johnny Depp being a guest presenter. Who knows? If he is I'll probably go reeeally fangirl.

Busy week ahead.

Through the camera lens

A/N: I wrote this last night. Part of me really likes it, part of me doesn't. My usual indecisiveness.



I.
Though the camera lens,
Our hero and heroine recline into each others bodies
A fireside picnic; dinner for two.
He tries to get into her sweater,
But she pushes him away.

II.
Through the camera lens,
Our hero calls to say he'll be home late.
"Don't wait up," he says.
But our heroine can't sleep.
She stares silently at the cold side of the bed
Unable to force her eyes shut from fact and reason.

III.
Through the camera lens,
Our heroine goes to church every Sunday
The church where she married our hero,
And the church that keeps them eternally bound,
Till death do they part.

IV.
Through the camera lens,
Our hero takes the bus to a seedier part of town
His watch weighs heavy on his wrist.
He has a girl who is stripping on Colfax
And a woman who is lonely in the suburbs.

V.
Through the camera lens,
Our heroine watches the clock
It weighs heavy on the wall.
The minutes, seconds tick by
As life grows slowly shorter.

VI.
Through the camera lens,
Our hero meets his girl.
He has his fix.
He slips quietly out the door.

VII.
Through the camera lens,
Our heroine holds her husband's gun to her temple.
Verses from Corinthians run through her head
And she prays to God for forgiveness of her sins.

IIX.
Through the camera lens,
Our hero returns home.
He hangs up his coat and keys.

IX.
Through the camera lens,
Nothing.

More body talk.

Note: I'll probably post more of this later, as it gets posted, because I think it's something all girls need to read. But here's what's been posted up to now, excluding what I posted last night. :)
Also, the grammatical and spelling errors made in these comments were not done by me...I just copied and pasted.

Emily: Wendy, Wendy, Wendy and of all my other beautiful Creek girls!
Stop feeling this pressure to be prettier/skinner/better. One of the biggest things I've learned in college, becoming an actor and finding out who I truly am is that I AM ENOUGH. My weight, my eyes, my hair, my teeth, my nose, my legs, my butt all make me ME. I understand the hype about boys in high school wanting us/you to be better looking. What the hell is better looking anyway? I say stop the negativity and trying to define yourself as "better" when "better" is a matter of opinion. Girls, there are too many important things in life to be worried about what you look like. Besides, I am in one the most looks-conscious professions, and I've been told that although I'm a "product," it's more about how I feel. Stop worrying about what you look like, and start embracing how you feel. You are enough! You are the most powerful women of this time. Educate yourselves, and all of the "flaws" you overanalyze will dissolve.
One more thing. Love the you you are, and you'll find a guy (or a girl) that will love you just as much. It happened for me, I guarentee it will happen for you.
Jack: i think girls should honestly not worry about their weight, wen i see girls that go to worlds end to be skinny its a turn off because 1) humans are naturally attracted to curves and 2) it brings to light the fact that they have low self esteem and i find confident, intelligent girls more attractive than fake girls who can achieve model figure. as for teeth, on a professional standpoint i think everybody should have braces just so they wont feel held back to smile. plastic surgury defidently isnt necessary unless someone comes out of a car crash or something. in the end, the most attractive girl in my mind is somebody who is smart and funny that i can have a good conversation with
thank you wendy this was very impacting as to wat kids at creek go through to achieve acceptance of their peers. this kind of emotional expression is good for humans
Mary: That it does not matter how any one looks on the outside only on the inside. i mean i have small boobs, but i really dont want bigger ones. i have a few teeth that are not straight but im ok with that. however it is hard with weight with all the "pretty" girls we go to school with. if im looking for a guy its not how they look at all its how they treat people and what their personality is like. even if the hottist guy asked me out if he was a jerk i would say no. i really like that you shared that i think that it is really important that we don't get cought up in superficial things.
Sara:
Okay, so, when I was in the eighth grade, I was incredibly thin. I was the same height I am now, but I only weighed 82 pounds...which means I was roughly 20 pounds less than I was supposed to be at to be "healthy" - according to, I dunno, society or whatever. I never really thought about it as an issue, though, because I had always just been like that. But by eighth grade, of course, a lot of the girls were starting to get curves. And here I was, still this stick to them. And people started calling me anorexic, and making comments about how I had no waist, or no hips, or no butt, or no boobs.
And so now something I had never considered to even be IMPORTANT before suddenly became something that was tearing me apart. I was unbelievably aware of my body, and found myself wondering what everyone was thinking about my appearance. And now I was thinking far too much about my own appearance because I was so conscious of what all the other people thought. So here I was saying to myself, “how come I’m not built the way she is?”, and “how come my skin isn’t as clear as hers?” and it was endless. I so I got consumed with that, and I wanted those curves already like everyone thought I needed to have. I started trying to gain weight. I just wanted to be what people thought I SHOULD be. And I literally started making myself sick trying to put on those pounds.

But it wasn’t making ME happy. Clearly! I mean, making yourself get sick trying to be a portrayal of something you’re not even sure you want? That wouldn’t make anyone happy. And anyway, God definitely didn’t want me hurting myself like that – not when He already had a perfect image for me in mind. I’d get there. He’d see to that.

So I let go of that obsession. I entered high school and appearance was important to a lot of people – and it was still a factor for me, there’s no denying that – but it was not NEARLY as important as all the things I let myself be involved it. I got my passion together, and I delved into music and writing and clubs, and surrounded myself with people who were more interest in who I WAS rather than what I was, aesthetically.

And I found me. I found who I was. And it had nothing to do with what I looked like. And it had EVERYTHING to do with the person, the personality – the stuff that made me ME.

Now in college, I know exactly who I am, and who I want to be. I am everything I’m supposed to be. I’m everything I NEED to be. I’m enough!

It took me a while to get there, but now that I am, it sort of feels like all the crap I had to go through to get to this place made me better:)
Here’s something that was amazing for this: Last week in my philosophy class, we were discussing this topic. And we were talking about how we know what we are. The topic of mirrors came up. My professor said the most profound thing.

He said this: “I look around, and I see so much talent and promise. Remember this. You are more than a reflection in a mirror. You are BIGGER than your body.”
Patrick: I personally think plastic sugery is stupid, and breast sizes shouldn't ever be changed... of course it's attractive for a girl to at least have boobs, but i also think they can be too big. but more than that, any girl who is so insecure about her appearance that she would go change her boob size has more problems that just her "small boobs"

honestly i could like someone who was a bit chubby, but someone who was "fat" i dunno... as for me, i couldn't stand myself being fat
I suppose this is really bad to hear from a man, but i'll admit that i do often eat very, very little to keep myself from feeling fat. For me it's more like i go through stages where i eat absolutely nothing for as long as i can take it and then eat as much as i need to keep myself alive and run that process for a few weeks. It seems like i do this because i really don't wwnat to gain weight. I'm underweight as is, but something about gainging anymore weight makes me feel like a failure.

for me the most important physical trait is the eyes, i feel like you can learn more from someones eyes in a minute than you can from their words in a month.
and sometimes they're just beautiful to look at.
Hair is something i take a small amount of time on personally, but for the girls who may spend tuns of time trying to fix their hair... it isn't necessary. sure maybe you'll look a little cuter that day or something but you're not gonna be ugly because you didn't straighten your hair.
i also believe that whatever is natural is the best, because that shows the girl is confident with who SHE is and won't put soo much time and energy in to becoming someone she really isn't.

I also admit that i am first attracted to someone by almost strictly physical means. if i get to know them and they're cool that's when i start getting attracted to the personality. The personality traits i really like are intelligence, spontaneity, someone who can hold an interesting and stimulating conversation, but who can also have have fun with me doing stuff we both enjoy. and musicians automatically add about % points to the personality stuff.
Lauryn: Hey Wendy! I didnt get a chance 2 read ALL the comments but I just wanna say, you are a REALLY good writer!! truely it is amazing how you can write in a way that relates to everyone! Not just girls! I wated to add something to the whole locker room thing and swimming. So I have noticed girls changing behind towles, going into stalls, afraid of the other girls on the team to see them naked. I tink its sad. I was always told "if u see something u havent seen before shoot it." I mean what are they hiding?/ THeir but? Their boobs?? I mean WE ALL have that! I hope this does not sound odd.... I mean its just weird. In the play girls are flaunting everythingin the dressing room! Maybe its because theater kids are weird and can be them selves, but I mean SWIMMERS!! Come on!! we are all wearing swim suits and have hairy legs. Now I am all for the whole modesty thing. Believe me! But girls (and maybe guys idk if this applies to them) should not try to hide who they are especially amungst other members of the same gender. And there TEAM MATES! Wendy u know I am a christian and in the Bible God created Adam and Eve and they were NAKED!!! God ment for us to be at ease with our bodies. When the whole fruit thing happned Adam and Eve hid because they realized they were naked. I hope this is making some sence..... Now I am NOT saying get rid of clothes, lets all become nudist. But as a team, as friends, as fellow girls we should not be afraid to change in front of our friends in the locker room. Did that make any sence @ all?? let me know if I did...
Laurel: Well...I have small boobs and am very proud of them lol seriously being a dancer I wouldn't want it either way. If a boy is going to be egotistical enough to center his attractions around breats then he needs a body smack. I never wear make up. I hate it. My friends always tell me to wear it cuz I look pretty but that frustrates me soooo much cuz I don't feel like I'm laurel with my face painted up like a clown. As a dancer, I spend my whole day looking at my reflection trying to perfect my body positions how I stand where my placement is...etc. What I have acknowledged is that sometimes the awkward movement looks the best and makes you feel more human. Sometimes ugly is the more visually accepting. Does that make sense?
Lauryn: Well Wendy I think its true... I wear make up. I think its because I like to bring out my eyes. I know I look fine without it on, yet I LOVE mascara... I think I like make up because I only discovered it like a year ago. But I can see what Laurel means about not feeling like her self in make up. And what you say about putting on a mask and where beauty fits into society... It kinda makes me feel guilty about wearing it. And now I am totaly changing the subject. I am gonna comment about your rant on what physically do you look for. For me its eyes, same as you. Eyes tell everything, kinda, the sort-of insight to the soul. You can tell alot about a person just by reading into their eyes.

Body talk.

My friend Wendy made a note on facebook talking about the stereotypes placed on women and standards of beauty. It's a fairly long note, so I'm not going to copy-and-paste it here. But there have been so many comments on it, and it's really an amazing thing to read. There are a lot of girls expressing their insecurities about their bodies, and there are a lot of boys who are expressing how they really feel about the stereotypical "beautiful" woman. I'm going to post some of them here. The conversation is still going on, but this is just what was there at the time of this posting.

It was a really great thing to read and contribute to, so I figured I'd blog about it so maybe someone else can be affected by it. It was so nice to hear guys' opinions on it.

Ali: The guy friends i've talked to think more than a handful of boob in too much. honestly i think that's mostly a stereotype that guys love enormous boobs.
as far as being skinny, i'm pretty damn skinny but i still feel the pressure to be smaller and more toned and healthy because all my close girls have amazing bodies and mine is the biggest, even if only by a little.
overall, i think natural beauty is the most amazing. but to really own natural beauty requires natural confidence and I think that's where most people suffer. but truly, natural hair texture and color, minimal make-up, no fake anything. I am religious, but I think you're made who you are because that's the way you were meant to be. nothing wrong with trying to enhance a few things (no one's perfect) but changing this always looks wrong.
and i guess the last thing i want to say is you are always your toughest critic and you'll always find a flaw that could be fixed, no matter how small. and you'll focus on it until you fix it and find a new flaw to hate. it's just the way life will always be. the trick is to keep that worry and self-consciousness as much at bay as possible.
Andrew: Ok, first man comment. I don't have much to say except that maybe the key is to find a balance between how much we work on our appearance and how much better it makes us feel. One must find a balance to maximize that ratio. And in the end, you just have to stand in front of a mirror, smile, and love and accept what you're given. oh, and i disagree with you ali. I have nothing against enormous boobs and i'll think you'll find most guys feel the same way. But to me, plastic surgery needs to be about the way it will make YOU feel, not the result of other people's opinion.
Bryah: WELL i have a lot to share on this one . . .
About teeth (not to seem like a pig) but i do think that straighter teeth are more appealing to look at, but not important, and by no means must they be perfect. I personally am gifted with somewhat straight teeth and feel no need for any money to fix anything (mainly discoloration). As for multiple surgeries go . . . thats excesive and unnecessary, same with braces. Please do not waste time or money on your teeth that much; they still chew food fine and can still express the same emotions. I really only find completely disgusting teeth in the deep south or in some far out wilderness desolate area lol (no offense really). As for boobs (this is a bit awkward), i think every guy will have a different preference. Personally, my preferences lie mainly with personality, and i would rather see someone with natural boobs. Bigger (or smaller or even moderately sized) boobs are not necessarilly the best. DO NOT GO UNDER THE KNIFE FOR BIGGER BREASTS, if a guy cant live with you cause of "small" boobs then ditch him. Its reall ynot worth the time. Stay natural, what you have fits who you are and your personality - for me God made it that way. I like some shape in the breasts, but D's are way too big and gross). I personally dont like obese people because their weight tells me that they have not cared for their body. I cant stand that. But, natural weight is totally fine and i like that better. I actually dislike the synthetic skinny people in general. Synthetic is the key word. Again, take care of your body naturally and stay you r natural weight; unless you have a medical condition, im sure you wont be fat. NO KNIFES. I personally have some fat on my tummy, i dont like it, but nor do i sweat about it. I will live, and it does not inhibit anything i do. Please DO NOT FRET OVER THAT SMALL STOMACH FLAB!!! STAY EMOTIONALLY SOUND!!!
Zoe: this is a very awkward conversation...lol. but as the bearer of tiny boobs, i know the feeling of being self-concious about it...but overall, i dont care all that much, and would NEVER go under the knife for it...SO not worth it. and according to a source i'll leave anonimous "more than a hanful is a waste anyhow." and in response to all the "it should be about how you feel, not how others feel about you..." comments- those are the same thing...the people that are unhappy with how they look are only unhappy because they are comparing themselves to others, and feel inferior.
Bryah: Well i come from Texas . . . if that doesnt say enough:
Women in Texas LOVE make-up. It's a disease. I dont really like make-up on people because i like seeing their natural faces. A little make-up is ok, and a lot is only good for rare occaissions. I like a more natural look. Thank you for Colorado =D. Btw, thank you all my friends for not putting on a complete mask everyday. For me, its personality. Who they are on the inside. What they like, are interested in, care for, worry about, love, hate, enjoy, do. After that, after seeing their intelligence in social and academic stuff, physicality can hold play in keeping interest, but is deffinitely not a main factor. I like to try to focus on who a person really is, not what they look like. Thats humanizing, and not fair. I would like to hope that most other people do the same, i feel its respectful and right. But, people will be themselves, and thats perfection.
Zoe: sorry, but i have to refute all the "its all about who you are as a person" thing...because, while, ultimately, this is the most omportant thing, everyone judges the book by its cover and appearance does matter in that way. how you look is strongly tied to your approachability- it is often a reflection of you and how you cary yourself. you can tell a lot about a person by how they look most of the time. i feel like there is a line between "appearances matter" and being shallow.
Talia: Boobs: Sort of awkward... To anyone who knows me I know I joke around about breast sizes and all of that, but really it's because I can be insecure about the whole thing. I'm sort of on the opposite end of the spectrum.
I can tell you right now it sucks because that's the only thing people comment on. People come up to me all of the time and comment on my chest. I can deal with that, but it still hurts when you constantly have people telling you you have the wrong body type because it's such a shallow thing to care about.
Me: I think it's ridiculous what the standards of beauty are these days. I was at King Soopers the other day, and right by the self checkout, there was one of those celebrity gossip magazines, and on the front cover was a picture of Jessica Simpson and how scandalous it apparently is that she's getting "fat." Well, I picked up the magazine and skimmed through the article. Guess what? Jessica Simpson and I are basically the exact same build. She's only an inch taller than I am, we're the same weight, and the same sized boobs. I left the store feeling horrible, because if someone my exact same build is fat, then I guess I'm fat too. I mean, I don't think I'm skinny or anything. Not at all. I think I'm actually pretty curvy and a lot of the time I'm not happy with my body in the least. But I mean, seeing this HUGE woman on the cover apparently being my same build, it wasn't a happy sight. But eventually, too late, I realized that they used digital editing to make her look so heavy.
Wendy: That's awful, I also hate it when the "experts" notice the tiniest flaws in their figures that a normal person would never see, I think they are a big part in driving them to plastic surgery and that drives normal people to it, it's plain sadistic
Bryah: i hate "experts". SO DUMB. you think they could lay off for a moment . . .but no. Sorry girls, us guys made life so much harder for you by starting trends thousands of years ago. All i can say is sorry.
Talia: Sorry I didn't explain. People are always telling me "You're boobs are way too big" or "I want big boobs, but not as big as yours". I don't think it's acceptable for people pointing out something like that as if it's their business.
I'm fine with my body the way it is. I don't appreciate people telling me otherwise.
Me: And I'm totally with Talia about the boob size thing...I'm pretty big busted myself. I hate how that's all that guys see. It's like, hello, my face happens to be above my neck thank you very much.
Sammi: Well, I'm just going to start with boobs. Why not?
Coming from someone who has to go to special stores to buy bras because they are, indeed, that large, I think a small breast augmentation is acceptable if the woman has made the choice on their own. I guess it isn't that big of a deal for me because naturally my breasts are roughly the same size as Pamela Anderson's, possibly larger. (awkward, but honest) And as for the stereotype of men liking large breasts, I get close to zero male attention. so, there you go.
As for the skinny issue, I have had a similar struggle to yours, Wendy, along with some serious food addiction. I accept people of all sizes because I think that anyone who discriminates based on appearance especially with weight is on a new and terrible level of disgusting and loathsome. Most obese people have never been skinny or have had the chance to.

LOL @ my teenage girl-ness

I found another song to associate with John. Lol. The Jimmy Eat World song was too emo for my tastes. I decided to go with some Taylor Swift, ya know, because I think it's more accurate. Much more happy and carefree than depressing and angsty. What? She's talented and her lyrics are fantastic. Who cares if her accent is fake and she's really from Pennsylvania.

I think it's kind of weird that I'm always associating songs with people. I wonder if anyone else does that.

Fearless - Taylor Swift

There's somethin' about the way
The street looks when it's just rained
There's a glow off the pavement
You walk me to the car
And you know I wanna ask you to dance right there
In the middle of the parking lot
Yeah
Oh yeah

We're drivin' down the road
I wonder if you know
I'm tryin' so hard not to get caught up now
But you're just so cool
Run your hands through your hair
Absentmindedly makin' me want you

And I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me head first
Fearless
And I don't know why but with you I'd dance
In a storm in my best dress
Fearless

So baby drive slow
'Til we run out of road in this one horse town
I wanna stay right here in this passenger seat
You put your eyes on me
In this moment now capture it, remember it

Cause I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me head first
Fearless
And I don't know why but with you I'd dance
In a storm in my best dress
Fearless

Well you stood there with me in the doorway
My hands shake
I'm not usually this way but
You pull me in and I'm a little more brave
It's a first kiss,
It's flawless,
Really something,
It's fearless

Oh yeah
Cause I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me head first
Fearless
And I don't know why but with you I'd dance
In a storm in my best dress
Fearless

Cause I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me head first
Fearless
And I don't know why but with you I'd dance
In a storm in my best dress
Fearless

Oh, oh yeah

I'm breaking my own promises.

So the whole "getting over him" idea kind of failed.
He texted me today complaining about the DMV and I got really excited, because usually I'm the one texting him. Let's wait until I'm a total wreck come tomorrow morning and I see him in the cafe.
I'm just kind of over being all infatuated and stuff. I mean, it's nice for a while, liking someone. It's an awakening of the senses; you want to share everything with him and be with him always. Smiles all around. But after a while, it gets to be an emotional mess. I don't want to whine about a boy all the time. Sure it's good inspiration and I subsequently never have writer's block, but it's all lame-ass emo kid laments. I miss how I used to write, before high school and before I even liked boys. I want a time machine to take me back to fourth grade.

He's graduating in May, which both makes me happy and sad.
Happy because out of sight is out of mind, and sad for the same reason.

Also, I'm pissed off because I'm already losing my tone from the winter swim season. The cellulite legs are coming back! I can't afford to get fat because the summer season starts in May. I wish it was warm enough where I could go take a run or something, but no, it's freaking cold. I'm gradually disliking February more and more.

As this four day weekend is coming to a close, I find myself writing more letters. Thank goodness for only three days of school before the next weekend.

Oh, Cry-Baby, what you do to my heartstrings!

Johnny Depp is a fucking gorgeous man. I don't care if everyone knows how obsessed I am. All the haters are jealous of his amazingness. He's beautiful. He's talented (in singing and acting). And he's funny. Who care's that he's 30 years older than myself and the same age as my mother, I am still madly in love with him.This year, Public Enemies and The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus is coming out. I'm so excited for both. The former will be released in July, and the latter will be released in September. The teaser for TIODP has come out already, but it's kind of lame and not much of a teaser. The Public Enemies teaser trailer is rumored to be previewed during the Oscars on the 22nd. I'm siked.


Oh by the way, totally not on the topic of my one true love, but I bought the Ghostbusters theme song ringtone. It's amazing.

23 is over.

I hold crushes and attraction on two different levels. I've been attracted to numerous people in my life, but I've only had a crush on about two, I think. The first one being Scott. The second one being John, currently.

Scott ended up being a mistake that led to heartbreak and self-loathing. I think things will be different with John, but not too different. I think I'm setting myself up for heartbreak, but I'm not sure if it's a mistake. I somehow feel that I'm going to come out of it happier than before. I'm closer to John than I was with Scott. We have a stronger relationship and I feel very blessed by his friendship. John is too kind of a person to be harsh and cruel.
I just know I'm going to end up being heartbroken over it. Even if he isn't harsh about it, I will be. But maybe, he won't have to shut me off. He's graduating in the spring. Maybe once I don't see him every single day, I'll move on. Out of sight is out of mind. But I'm just brainstorming here. For the time being, it's all hypothetical.
I just know that I like him a lot. More than Scott I think. He makes me happy inside. I'm not in love, I just really like him and I miss him. I don't think we'd do well in a relationship together, just being the type of people that we are. Friendship is good enough for me, even though I feel stronger about it than he probably does. But I have to remember my birthday horoscope, and forget about what Jimmy Eat World is telling me. I have to wait. John isn't "the one." I'm way too young for that.

This is all a part of life. I have to get over my emo bullshit and move on.

Let's see where this takes me...

all we can do is keep breathing.

I stole another "writer's block" thingy from LJ. I thought this would be fun.

Put your player on shuffle. The first line of the first 20 songs is a poem. The 21st song is the title.

Keep your eyes on the road, your hands upon the wheel

When I find myself in times of trouble
When there's nowhere else to run
From ocean to sky
You win it's your show now
You and me, we like the same kind of music
In this world of hate and shallowness
She's only eighteen
Don't go breaking my heart
I want it all
I got birds in my ears and a devil on my shoulder
When I was young I'd listen to the radio
This may be the last thing that I write for long
Didi, you don't
I felt for sure last night that once we said goodbye
Hey, hey, mama, said the way you move
Too late baby, there's no turning around
So you got no place to go
Some people have it and other people don't
If you wanna make the move then you better come in
Of a face full of words you'd think a few would be right


Haha it didn't turn out too bad...okay, maybe it did. But it could be a good start haha. I like lines 1-3, but the rest is just chaos.

So yeah I figured I'd update.

John has been sick for a few days. I hadn't seen him since Friday. But when I walked into the cafe this morning and saw him, my insides went all twisted and I got really excited. I didn't expect such a reaction. I guess that's what happens when the man you're head over heels in like with shows up at school after he's been sick all week. Haha. Pathetic, I know, I know. He greeted me with one of his big, amazing hugs that make you feel extra special and lucky. It was nice.

Anyway, enough with the sappiness.

So, Claire and Corey are together now. Yes, Corey my cousin. They're so cute oh my god! I can tell that they both really like each other. More on that later.

I have a bio test to study for.
Laterr<3

February sky.

Boy, you bring the butterflies back from the grave in the pit of my stomach. Wings the color of a pristine February sky. They fly up, up, up, to my throat, where they block my respiratory passageways and make each word my lips form a staggered swear. I'm digging for words in this one-horse town, but I can't seem to write a line. I'm in the fire, burning up with every wrong wording that escapes the confines of my lips. Don John would be proud. When you're there with that grin on your face, your skin crinkled at the corners of your eyes the way it always is when you smile, the fire is doused. And we go out with it.

postsecret #3 (I've been meaning to post this for a while now haha)

Things at the McGarren household were rough. Daddy McGarren had been long gone, and Mommy McGarren was working three jobs. Robby McGarren had gotten busted for drugs and was currently somewhere in Utah. Young Norah McGarren was the youngest in the family and the only person, in her immediate and extended families, with a shot at doing something great. Her gap-toothed smile and cropped chocolate brown hair made her downright adorable. From a young age, she discovered that she could influence anyone to do anything she wanted. Nobody could pass up a little girl with a gap between her two front teeth who would wear her girl scout sash, laden with patches, everywhere she went.
Years had passed since then, and little Norah McGarren grew up, with the help of a scholarship graduated from college, and got married to a nice man called Joshua Thompson, much to the delight of her older relatives. She had two wonderful children, a son named Teddy and a daughter named Melinda, who were the same distance in age as Norah and her brother Robby were. She dyed her hair bleach blond and paid for her own orthodontics once she reached college and got her first paycheck. Little Norah McGarren was gone. The woman who took her place was almost unrecognizable.
Melinda was nine-years-old and in the fourth grade, a dedicated girl scout. Her sash was heavy with patches like her mothers was, only there were much more of them. She had been her troops top seller of cookies ever since her first year of Daisy scouts. Everyone assumed that this was due to the fact that Norah Thompson had insisted on being the troops cookie mom every year. Since none of the other mothers possessed the same kind of enthusiasm as she did and didn't have the energy to try to compete with her, Mrs. Thompson always got the job.
Of course, no one really knew Mrs. Thompson's motives. She appeared to be nothing but passionate for the girl scouts, but in reality, it was all about gaining her own personal wealth. She figured that because she grew up poor, she had every right to try to collect as much money as she could for herself, even if the only way to go about that was by fraud. The second Saturday morning in January of every year, the day that the cookie-selling madness annually began, Mrs. Thompson would load Melinda and her cookie-selling sheet into the back of her suburban and head out around the neighborhood. She charged four dollars a box instead of the typical three dollars and twenty five cents. When customers questioned, she blamed it on the economy and looked at her daughter with concern. The people believed that sort of thing and bought an extra box or two, feeling sorry for the mother and daughter who were "going through financial hardships due to the economy."
Subsequently, Norah and Melinda Thompson became the nations cookie-selling champions. Three dollars and twenty five cents went to each box of cookies, and seventy five cents went towards the Norah Thompson Fund. Considering the amount of cookies they sold, it added up. Soon Melinda was seen sporting considerably more patches and Norah had a new Coach purse slung over her shoulder at meetings. As far as the troop mothers knew, the yearly gain in funds of the Thompson household was attributed to a raise in Mr. Thompson's salary. Nobody knew of the fraud but Norah and Melinda, who was grown up enough to realize that her mother was charging more than the cookies worth. But she had sworn to secrecy at the will of her mother, and was just happy to get more patches, for goodness sakes.
It wasn't until Melinda was a senior girl scout that she decided to turn her mother in. Nobody wanted to be forced to wear a sash in high school and nobody wanted a criminal for a mother. It just wasn't right. On the last day of her tenth grade year, Melinda Thompson threw her sash in the firepit and marched up the police station steps.

PostSecret

By the way, I'm working on another PostSecret now, but I think it's going to take a while to write. I'm going to the mall and to He's Just Not That Into You, so be patient. :)

Steelers.

Even though I'm a Cardinals fan, I think the Steelers deserved to win the Super Bowl.

Kudos to James Harrison for that 100 yard return, even though he failed just a few inches short.

Bruce Springsteen was awesome, not surprisingly.

:)

Goodnight.