"John makes my pants vibrate, I hope that's okay with you!"

I had an amazing night. Writing club (minus John...sadface) went downtown to 16th street and to the Tattered Cover, which is this absolutely amazing bookstore. Ksenia and I basically sat and discussed books and art and writing, which is always amazing. I texted John for a little bit but then he kind of disappeared like he does haha.

The sad thing is, John thinks he wouldn't be a good boyfriend, and that's why he won't be in a relationship with anyone. He's so sweet and nice, I don't see why he would feel that way. But I guess he does. That's very sad, because even though I do like him, a little bit anyway, he and Ksenia would be so adorable together.

After Tattered Cover, we walked around 16th street a little. Then we took the lightrail home and Ksenia and I walked to my house. We walked to the park and just chilled there looking at the sky for a while. Then we went back to my house and Ksenia went home. Now I'm here.

I have a theory - Ephraim is a virgin. I'm a virgin. Ephraim is more insecure about it than I am. My theory is that he doesn't actually have a crush on me, he just wants to get laid. Since I'm a virgin, he thinks I'm just dying for an oppertunity to have sex, which is wrong. So he thinks I'm an easy target.

It's a more likely explanation than him actually liking me.

The whole John situation, I'm still figuring it out. I do have some attraction to him, but I'm still not sure if it's a crush yet. Anyway, I guess I won't have to worry about the whole hooking up thing. It's a possibility, maybe. But again, I don't want to just hook up. Not for my first kiss and everything. I'm still kind of confused, but it's all getting clearer as time goes on, and it hopefully will continue to do so.

Sometimes I wonder if I take everything too seriously. I should just go with the flow, and whatever happens, happens. But it's harder than it sounds. I feel the need to figure this all out so the stress can go away. But that's not going to happen, so why worry? I'm trying not to, but I'm finding it difficult.

Tomorrow should be interesting. Going to interview people at the semifinals for the football team.

I think I just need someone to text me tonight and keep me preoccupied. I'm still hoping.

Goodnight.