Miss California

I call on Jesus, but he didn't check his phone today
Oh oh there's my summer girl, I've been wantin' her
I hear she's got a boyfriend
Thought I could leave her for a season but it just got cold
Yeah and it's a lonely hour in my cellphone tower
Broken down transmission
But I'm gonna take you to my boxcar on the beach
And I'm gonna hang the sun above your bed and soak your hair in bleach

You'll be missed, Miss California
You'll be kissed by only me
When they can't find you
You'll turn into a mystery
But your no mystery to me, Miss California

I call on Jesus but he heard I hurt his little girl
Yeah with my reckless stare, I've been so unfair
Misplacing my affections
She had a reason not to take me back into her care
Oh oh I'm just a stray dog now I can't beg or bow
Just give me some direction
But I'm gonna take you to the mansion where I hide
And I'm gonna paint a diamond on your hand, you will be my bride

You'll be missed, Miss California
You'll be kissed by only me
When they can't find you
You'll turn into a mystery
But your no mystery to me, Miss California
Miss California
I'll be around
I'll be around

You'll be missed, Miss California
You'll be kissed by only me
When they can't find you
You'll turn into a mystery, but not to me

You'll be missed, Miss California
We'll be married in the rain
When they can't find you I'm sure I'll be the one they blame
But they can't prove anything, Miss California
Miss California
I'll be around

- Jack's Mannequin

Toasted Skin.

I watched a bootleg of A Walk To Remember tonight. I loved the book, and I wanted to see how it compared. The movie was almost nothing like the book aside from the basic plot line, some scenes were jumbled up and some scenes were changed so the point where it defeated the purpose. But, amidst all of that, I think it was beautifully done. For fairly new, young actors at the time, Mandy Moore and Shane West did an excellent job.

Anyway, league for swimming is tomorrow and I need to get rest. No staying up until past midnight for me tonight.

Laterr

P.S. By the way...we decided to get Tawney. Tonight is her first night here. I really like her a lot, she has a ton of energy and I don't know, it just feels nice having another female in the house besides my mother. It's not like she can talk back, she just stares at me when I talk to her, but still. I feel like I have another friend.

stay awake (dreams only last for a night)

^^ I found this funny.


So okay, this lady brought this dog Tawney over to visit, ya know, to see if we like her. As much as I didn't want another golden retriever because I miss Ted so much, Tawney is very cute. She's about 4 years old and a girl, and I think she could be a good friend, like most dogs tend to be. She's about half the size of Ted and has fur that is much more red in color. She has a ton of energy but that's to be expected, considering she's so young. I'm feeling much better about this whole situation, but I'm still not sure about things. We'll see how it all goes.

For the moment, I'm feeling slightly under the weather. I'm tired. I have a paper due soon. I really like him. Harry Potter rad. Chuck Palahniuk is brilliant. All Time Low is awesome. Tea is good.

Goodnight, world.

Oh baby, doesnt the bite feel so good?

I'm one of the few out of my group of friends who is a virgin and has never done drugs (even though I plan on smoking weed sometime in the near future). I mean, it makes sense, considering a lot of them are Seniors and I'm only a Sophomore. But everyone thinks I'm some prude or goody goody. I get the whole goody goody thing because I'll admit I kind of am, but I fucking hate how I'm known as one. I hate being branded as a prude and subsequently no fun to be around because since I'm a virgin in almost every way possible, I'm not up for having fun, and they always feel awkward smoking around me. They're not pressuring me to do anything, they're pretty accepting of the way I am, but I'm still known as the good girl. And it hurts. Again, they're not pressuring me to do anything, more like I'm pressuring myself. I want to prove to people that I can be fun and I'm NOT a prude.

I can't decide between doing something I'll eventually regret or being the resident goody two shoes.

Nothing a shot of straight vodka and a new episode of MuggleCast won't cure. A few tablets of Tylenol PM wouldn't hurt either.

all the ways you make my stomach turn
and all the long drives
with my friends blur
and I wish I kept them inside my mind
I hide behind these words

and think of all the places
where you've been lost
and then found...out
in between my sheets
in between the rights and the wrongs

The Villa Diodati

So I saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button last night. It was great. I enjoyed it a lot. It has one of those bizarre, unique, amazing plotlines. It was a beautiful movie with just the right amount of humor in it. Oh, and I realized that Brad Pitt is sexy. It took me 16 years to realize this haha. But yeah, it was a great movie. Long, but great. I strongly recommend seeing it.

We're reading Frankenstein in English. It's a challenging read and Victor Frankenstein is an irritating, melodramatic character, but the book is good. I'm really interested in Romantic era (which has nothing to do with romance, by the way) style writing.

Frankenstein was written by Mary Shelley when she, her husband, Lord Byron, and others were trapped inside the Villa Diodati for a few days during a storm on Lake Geneva in Switzerland in 1816. The writers challenged themselves to a competition to see who could write the best ghost story. Frankenstein came to Shelley as a dream, and put it on paper. Her colleagues liked it so much it was published two years later.

Another famous story written in the Villa Diodati was The Vampyre, by John William Polidori. It was a big influence in Bram Stoker's Dracula.

I hear you can visit this Villa in Switzerland. I'd love to visit it some day.


Anyway, there's my English nerdiness of the day. Further proof that I should be an English teacher when I grow up.

Tonight's gonna suck.

Snowball is tonight. Obviously, I'm not going. All my friends are either going to the dance or raving tonight. So, I'm all by myself with my family. Lame. Once my mom gets off the phone she's taking my computer away, and she already took my phone away because I'm grounded. More lame. So I guess I'll be sitting doing homework or wasting space or something all night while all my friends are having a good time and hooking up.

You should check out this guy called Chase Coy. He has a new song up called Jeanette. His music is wonderful and thought provoking. It's great when you're in one of those thinking moods. I listen to him often while blogging. Enjoy! :)

postsecret #2

This is not the kind of road trip that you take with your girlfriends in a glossy convertible with the hood down. This is my solitary, gas-guzzling mental health break in my used truck. It's my pilgrimage to Mecca. My attempt to reach nirvana with greasy hair and cigarette burns in the car seats.
I'm a divorced buisness woman who absolutely hates her job. I go to work everyday manicured and crisp. I argue with people over the phone and flash a fake Crest white-stripped smile at my one o' clock appointment. My lunch consists of a chicken fettuchini LeanCusine. When my office closes at five, I hit the gym for an hour before I return home and mope in front of the television. This is my life, the boring, scripted shithole I experience on a daily basis.
I have swapped my ironed pantsuit for jeans and a t-shirt and am sitting in the front seat of my truck, seatbelt buckled and knuckles white on the wheel, wondering what in the world compelled me to do this in the first place. I twist the key in the ignition and the truck roars to life, causing me to jump. I back the car out of the driveway slowly, the tablets of Zoloft rattling against the walls of it's plastic container in the cupholder. The suitcase on the seat next to me slips off and falls onto the floor.
I turn the car to face into the sun, and with a sudden gust of confidence, I give it some gas. I drive off into the bright light quickly, before I change my mind. I'm on my way to truth and reality.

--

The postcard/email for this one is here

Nothing is fair in love but war.

You're about to walk the plank
So don't unscrew the hinges while you're on it.
Suicide was always your color,
Unfortunately, homicide never was.
What are you going to do now the world is against you?
Nothing is fair in love but war
And now the arms are turned on you.
You can snap their bones and drink their blood
But remember the bayonet in your chest.
Keep your place in line,
And Ill keep mine.

Angry.

Something is going on. I just got a call from Ksenia about 25 minutes ago. Here's what happened...

Sasha (Ksenia's younger sister, who is my age) saw Jenna and this kid Javier holding hands at the path the other day. She told John, and he was like whatever. Then he brought it up to Jenna and she freaked. She freaked far more than he did. She said that her and Javier are just good friends, and that's the kind of thing she'd do, hold hands with a good friend.
So today, Ksenia was at the path and was talking to this one girl about raves. Jenna comes up and says that she's going to a rave next week. Glo 4. Anyway, they introduce themselves by their rave names and such. Ksenia says, "you're going out with my friend John." Jenna just looks at her and was like, "No we aren't."

Gahhh she's fucking him over. And this is the first relationship he's been in in a long time, and he's really crazy about her. I could tell -- yesterday during 3rd period he seemed really quiet and sad. I asked him if he was okay, and he told me he was just thinking. I know he's upset about their argument. The thing is, he doesn't know about what happened at the path today. Ksenia and I feel the need to tell him, and we're probably going to take him aside 3rd period sometime next week. Lia says I should talk to Jenna but ehh I don't think I will. I don't want to cause more drama. I don't want to talk to her unless I need to, which may end up happening, but for now I'm keeping my distance.

I knew this was giong to happen. A few weeks ago I was texting Ksenia about their relationship, about how slutty she seemed and how I knew this wasn't going to end up very well and I was concerned. Ksenia told me that she didn't think so. She said that even if they don't last very long, he'll come out of it happier.

I don't think he will.

It's hard seeing a girl fuck over the guy you like. But mostly, my angry reaction isn't because of my romantic attraction to him. It's because we're friends, we have to look out for each other. And I will always look out for him, no matter what.

"I am the friend who is always there with open arms and an open heart, ready to dry your eyes with my hair if needed." The only bit of that piece that I wrote the other day that still holds true.

Gonna go write some more, I think.

postsecret #1

The plane shook with each bump that it hit on the runway. With each bump, it increasingly gained speed. With each bump, I grew more nauseated. By the time the plane finally hoisted itself up into the air, I was clutching the stiff, brown airsickness bag so tight my muscles ached.
"Relax," Brad said as he rubbed my tense arm. I groaned again, tearing open the bag as the plane lurched higher still. I didn't throw up like I thought I would, but I felt my face go a little greener.
"Is she gonna be okay?" An elderly lady said in an irritated voice. I saw that she wore thick black glasses that turned up at the corners as she leaned forward, her pointed nose appearing between Brad's seat and mine. Her hair was a pale purple cloud styled the way a librarian would.
Brad looked at me, waiting for my answer. I swallowed.
"Uh yeah, I'll be fine," I said waving my hand. My left hand. The gold ring sparkled where the light hit it, and the bitchy fifties librarian seemed to notice. She opened her mouth as if to say something, but snapped it closed again as I glared at her. She leaned back in her seat and disappeared from view.
"I don't see why we have to tell your mother face-to-face," I grumbled, examining for the millionth time the simple diamond ring that seemed glued to my left ring finger.
"What else would we do? Elope?" Brad muttered, his gaze falling to my outstretched fingers.
"A quick phone call would have sufficed. Then we'd be a good 500 miles from Toledo, and she wouldn't be able to snap my neck." Brad said nothing. Good. He knew I had a point. I could feel fifties librarian lady soak up every word exchanged from behind us.
"Maybe a phone call would have been safer," he bagen, twiddling with his own gold band. "But you're going to have to see her at the wedding. It's better now than then, right?" He chuckled weakly; he knew his joke wasn't in the least funny. I rolled my eyes and said nothing. "Just because my mother can't stand you, it doesn't mean I can't either. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Norah, and you know that." The moment was ruined by a sharp intake of breath behind me. I ignored it.
"You know you're the only reason I agreed to this whole engagement thing, right?"
"I know," Brad whispered, a soft grin touching his lips.
"Psst, wanna know a secret?" I leaned into Brad, whispering in his ear too low for fifties librarian lady to hear. I didn't wait for him to answer. "I'm pretty sure the bathroom is vacant. I'll go first, you follow in a few minutes, okay?"
"Ew, but you almost barfed..." he wrinkled his nose.
"Oh shut up," I laughed and playfully smacked him on the side of his head. "I'll brush my teeth if it makes you happy," I said as I playfully unbuckled my seat belt and began to stand.
"God, I love you," Brad said as he began to dig inside his carry-on.

-----


Quick explanation: this is the first of a series of short scenes I've written based off of PostSecret cards. I'll just choose a particular card from postsecret.com that stands out to me and write a quick story from their point of view and how I imagine their life is like. It's a great way to cure writer's block and it's kind of fun. I'm definitely posting more of the ones I have written so far very soon.

I can't find the postcard that inspired this one, but it was something along the lines of "I'm going to marry your son whether you like it or not."

I've decided to take the stick out of my ass.

I'm not going to waste my life waiting and not dating just because I haven't found the perfect guy yet. I'm going to experiment and do it without shame. Obviously, I'm not going to go out with anyone who I have no feelings for whatsoever, because that's unfair to the both of us. But I want to live, ya know? It's high school. There is no pressure to get married and have kids. I need to experience what "dating" is like. I'm not looking for a relationship quite yet. I just want to date around, see what's up.

Of course, I'm not going to give up my virginity. I'm still saving that for that special person that I fall head over heels in love with. But I'm finally ready to play the field. It only took me 16 years to realize that I don't NEED to be in a relationship, but at least I'm here now.


P.S. Finals started today. I think I totally aced my history final :) Tomorrow I'm hanging with ~him.

Finals week.

So the craziness begins.

This is one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite local bands, Single File. They're one of those bands that make you so freaking happy just randomly. They're sweet and talented, and they make me smile reeeeallllly wide. :)


That's my plug for today.
Goodnight, world.

martyrdom and cigarettes.

The smell of cigarettes cling to your jacket and relax my tense muscles. You tighten your arms around me as if you don't want to let go as I take in your Marlboro cologne. You linger in my embrace longer than any attached man who wants to keep his ass should, but it doesn't matter to us.
I am not her. I am not the girl whose hand you grab as you run, exploding with quieted laughter from the cops. I am not the girl you cut class for every day. I am your kid sister who is neither a kid nor a sister. I am the friend who is always there with open arms and an open heart, ready to dry your eyes with my hair if needed.
The strange thing is, I am alright with that. I am alright with being the girl in the stands as you two throw your caps in the air, ready to embark on a new journey together. I am alright with finishing my high school education alone while you are hooking up and settling down. As long as I can see your honey smile and jubilant eyes as you rave about how happy she makes you, I am alright.

When you are playing your guitar late at night and singing about the girl who takes your breath away, I hope you mean every word.

down and out.

The Overland meet was today. I'm so tired I can barely move.. Greeley on Saturday...not looking forward to that one.

Today during 3rd I watched Kris and Angelo work on unraveling a baseball with one whole thread. It was interesting, and amusing.

When the bell ring and we were all getting ready to leave and go to class, John said, "I need a hug! I love Sarah hugs!" So I gave John a hug and Ksenia said,
"John, isn't Sarah pretty?"
He said: "Yes, Sarah is very pretty."
And I said: "You're just flattering me."
John said: "No, there's no flattery here."

I still think he was flattering me and not wanting to admit it because he's a gentleman. Despite that, that really made my day. Just those words coming out of his mouth made me really happy.

He also told me he liked the bow in my hair :)

Gosh, I like him. I don't understand why I can't write anything good about him though. I have so much inspiration, but no talent. I'll keep trying. I did write "Comet" about him, but that was quite a while ago. I'll keep trying.

Peacing out.

It's my birthday!

I'm finally sixteen.

My horoscope in today's paper said not to make the first move this year. Even though I'm impatient, it said, don't rush it or I'll regret it.

I think this is the answer I was searching for all along.