Nostalgia.

You may have read on my other blog a lot about this kid I used to know named Jesse. Well, lets start from the beginning...
Last year, I met Jesse in my acting class. He was cute, energetic, sweet, and fun to be around. I fell for him. Then he kept ditching class. I thought he was being stupid and asked him to come to class just to see me, because we were getting close. He said he would, but then he never showed up. We eventually went our separate ways and that was that.

Dear Jesse,

I'm sorry. But you're still an ignorant asshole. You fucking lied and you deserve to get suspended for more than two days this time. And I thought we had a good thing going. But you wouldn't listen to me, and you didn't care enough.

I miss who you were at the beginning of this semester. When I mattered. When I was your friend, instead of a piece of meat. Just another chick to flirt with, to lie to, to walk all over.

Sorry for freaking out.
Sorry for caring.
Sorry for wanting to be a good friend to you.
Sorry for wanting to apologize.
But truth is, I don't know why I am sorry.
Because I didn't do anything wrong.

You were a good friend when you were. Or was that just an act as well? I miss staying up late, texting you, and having deep discussions with you. Especially the last one we had.

I don't know if I ever got to thank you for those hugs you gave me when my grandpa died. And calling me that afternoon to make sure I was doing okay. I appreciated that a lot. Because I wasn't doing okay, I'm STILL not doing okay, on the 5 week anniversary of his death.

Now I don't even know what to do. Everything is falling apart. I want to call you, but I don't know if I should.

I want to go back to how life was three years ago.

Love,
Sarah
(from my old blog...April 22nd 2008)

So, to the present now...
I'm much more relaxed than I once was. I was going through a tough time when we first met, and that didn't do well with my nerves. So I was pretty uptight.

I came across his myspace tonight. He's abandoned his techno dreams and is playing guitar and alternative music now. He's different, and I'm not sure why. I haven't even talked to him, he may still be an asshole. Or maybe I'm the one that's different. Or maybe it's both.

Mind you, I'm not falling for him again. I would never do that, after what happened between us. But I just hope he accepts my friend request and we can become friends again. I hope.

Anyway, I've just been kind of nostalgic tonight. Maybe it's because the seniors will be gone and graduated in less than a month.